What is grief?

Grief is the experience of coping with loss. Most of us think of grief as happening in the painful period following the death of a loved one. But grief can accompany any event that disrupts or challenges our sense of normalcy or ourselves. This includes the loss of connections that define us.

You may grieve the loss of:

• A friend, family member, partner or pet.
• A marriage, friendship or another form of kinship.
• Your home, neighborhood or community.
• Your job or career.
• Financial stability.
• A dream or goal.
• Good health.
• Your youth.
• Fertility.

You may also grieve your own loss of life as you prepare for death. For instance, people diagnosed with terminal illnesses often grieve no longer having the time to experience or achieve things they would’ve liked to.

What are the symptoms of grief?

Grief can affect every aspect of your being — your mind, body and spirit.

Emotional symptoms

People who are grieving often describe emotions as “coming in waves.” It may feel as if emotions wash over you without warning. One minute, life may feel as if it were back to normal, and the next, you may find yourself in tears. Grief causes people to experience the entire spectrum of emotions — from sadness to anger to joy. You may sometimes feel detached from your emotions and operate as if you were on autopilot.

You may experience confusing and conflicting emotions, too, such as:

• Sadness that a loved one’s gone but relief that they’re at peace.
• Yearning for a spouse after a divorce but also excitement that you get another shot at love.
• Guilt for feeling grateful that you no longer have to provide exhausting around-the-clock care for a dying relative.
• Competing feelings of apathy, anger, sadness and regret as you grieve the loss of a friend or family member with whom you had a strained or hostile relationship.

There are no right or wrong emotions when it comes to grief. It’s essential to acknowledge and feel them to heal.

Physical symptoms

Loss is an extreme stressor that can take a major physical toll on your body. Grief can overwork your nervous system. It can cause a weakened immune system that makes it easier for you to get sick.

Symptoms include:

• Fatigue.
• Headaches.
• Nausea.
• Restlessness.
• Upset stomach.
• Heart palpitations.
• Weak muscles or joint pain.
• Tightness in your chest or throat.
• Having reduced or increased appetite.
• Trouble sleeping (insomnia) or sleeping too much.

Behavioral changes

Grief can make it hard to concentrate or complete tasks. Symptoms include:

• Confusion.
• Trouble thinking or making decisions.
• Feeling as if you’ve lost a sense of hope or direction.
• Difficulty focusing on anything other than your loss.
• Difficulty remembering or keeping track of your responsibilities.